Reminiscent
by Wendy McCalister
Summary: A forgotten past. A new threat. A chance to regain her past self... but does she really want to?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.**

 **Summary: A forgotten past. A new threat. A chance to regain her past self... but does she really want to?**

 **Reminiscent**

 **Chapter 1**

I always knew there was something else.

I was many things. A guide for dead souls. An assistant to the Reikai Tantei. A loyal friend. The ever bubbly and cherry ferry girl, Botan. But, I was more. I wasn't entirely sure what, but I could sense it. Something lingered within my soul, something dark, something important. It laid in a deep slumber in the recesses of the deepest part of my mind, waiting for the time when it could finally be awakened.

In a way, it scared me. Although, a part of me wanted to be made aware of what it was. Somehow, I could guess it was something sort of a remnant of my past. A past I could no longer remember.

The first day I became a ferry girl, I was lost, confused and felt like a little girl trapped in a bad, bad dream where I couldn't find a way to wake up. I couldn't recall a thing, couldn't even remember my name. And it had frightened me that I didn't even know who I was. Then, Koenma came and told me my name was "Botan", and that I was now a ferry girl, a guide of the River Styx. He said I became one after my time of death, and that I was given a chance to be something more. At the time, I believed he was right, that those words were somewhat true, and I had clung at the prospect that I could help the poor souls that had lost their lives, and everything they held dear.

But, the longer I remained clueless of my past, the more the questions that constantly plagued my mind. I guess no matter who I had become, I still wanted to know who I had been. Was I any bit of the same person? Did I have any friends? Who were my parents? Was my name even Botan?

I knew Reikai had erased my memories. I didn't know why though. I talked to Ayame and even Hinageshi before, and they had both answered that they still had recollections of their past. Although vague, the memories were still there. I, on the other hand, could remember nothing. But, I didn't complain. I couldn't. I figured there had to be a reason. And Koenma had been a little more than a bit dodgy when I first questioned him of the life I had formerly led. I was sure I was a human, however, as Reikai had rules not to make ferry girls out of demons or anything else.

Over time, I had decided that I should just let go, that I should just resign to my fate as a ferry girl and forget whatever questions that I had regarding my past life. Sometimes, I managed.

Other times, I couldn't resist the urge to wonder.

"Botan?" Ayame's voice sounded from behind the door of the about gigantic sized apartment. I looked up as she turned the doorknob and opened the door. The ferry girls' headquarters was a very neat place, and every room were inhabitated by at least three of us. I shared my room with Ayame and Hinageshi, seeing as we were pretty close.

"What is it?" I asked, just as she entered. I couldn't help but quirk an eyebrow in curiousity as I stared at her. For some reason, she was sporting a light blush on her face.

"I, um... I was wondering..." She was fidgeting. **Ayame was fidgeting.** This was rare. It must be very important, whatever it was that she seemed to be wondering about. "I... I came... to seek for some advice... from you..." she spoke slowly, as if trying to choose her words carefully.

I closed the book I had been reading. It was a novel I had been interested in for the last couple of months, it originally belonged to Keiko but she decided to give it to me as a gift because she knew I was rather fond of it. I couldn't help the smile that found its way to my face at the thought, but I quickly brushed it off, turning to regard Ayame with a wide, friendly grin.

"Advice about what exactly?"

The red tint on her cheeks seemed to turn a shade darker. "Um... I'm going on a date tomorrow, you see... and..."

The news caught me off guard, and I screamed a loud, "What?!" as Ayame went up and clasped a hand over my mouth to shut me up. I blinked at her, my trademark cheshire cat grin appearing on my features as she slowly pulled her hand back. She gave me a pleading look, as if begging for some help.

"Who is it?" I inquired, the shock having died down and replaced by the type of excitement girls would emit when their friends find a special "someone". I didn't think Ayame was into that sort of thing. I mean, she always seemed business-like than anything else. I figured it must be someone from the SDF, as I assumed Ayame liked those strong, independent kind of guys.

She seemed hesitant for a moment, as if pondering if she should really tell. Well, I wouldn't force her even if she didn't want to, and I almost went up to say that to her, when she nodded her head. "It's..." Her purple eyes darted elsewhere. "Koenma-sama..."

There was a pause.

A really loooooong pause.

Which was quickly broken off by me, as for the second time, I cried out, "What?" in surprise, almost tripping on my feet when I tried to turn and walk for the bed. I stared at her, as if asking silently for confirmation that I wasn't hearing things, pursing my lips as she responded with a small nod. That was unexpected. Although, I had suspected for a long time that Koenma had feelings for her, never did it cross my mind that he would actually muster up the couarge to ask her out. I was happy for them. Startled? Yes. Confused? A bit. Happy? Most definitely. If two of my closest friends could get together, I would most certainly be there for support.

"Oh-ho! Really now? That's good news!" I beamed. "So, what's the problem?"

"Nothing... It's just that I've never been on a date before," she murmured quietly, her voice almost inaudible that I had to strain my ears to hear her clearly.

The corners of my lips curled upwards into a reassuring smile. "Oh? Is that it?" For a moment, I couldn't help but wonder why on earth she would go to me for advice, seeing as I've never been asked out before, "Well, don't worry about it. Just be yourself!" I answer with the best answer I could come up with. What's the point of pretending to be someone else, anyway?

"That's just it. Oh, Botan. You know how uptight I can be sometimes... what if I end up embarrassing myself? What if he doesn't like me?"

I let a laugh pour out of my mouth. "The second question was ridiculous, if he doesn't like you, he wouldn't have asked you out for a date," I pointed out. "And besides, if he ends up hating you because you're you, then he doesn't deserve you and I'll kick his butt myself!"

A triumphant grin crossed my lips as I managed to raise her spirits up a bit. Ayame smiled, wearing a look of gratitude as she said, "Thank you, Botan."

"Your welcome," I responded in my usual cheery voice. Then, standing up from the bed, I reached out and placed my hands on her shoulders. "Now then, if you don't mind, can you make me some hot tea?" I requested with a sly grin.

One black eyebrow arched in an amused manner. "Don't tell me you gave me advice because you wanted me to make tea for you in return?" she jested, a giggle escaping her lips as I pulled the cutest pout I could manage.

"Of course not!" I feigned anger, as I shot a fake glare at her, "I just thought you could do it for me instead!"

Ayame shook her head as I scrunched my nose, turned away, and pretended to sulk. She tried to "make up" with me as she relented, "Okay. Alright, I'll make you tea."

I instantly perked up at her words. "Yay!" I giggled, enveloping her in a hug as a token of gratitude. "Thank you, Ayame-chan!"

Ayame raised an eyebrow at me once again, and stared at me with a half bewildered, half amused expression. I guessed it was due to the fact that I called her "Ayame-chan", which was something I had never once done before.

I pulled Ayame gently out of my embrace, grinning as I told her, "Off you go then!" and proceeded to pat her back. A laugh erupted from her throat, but she nodded her head in affirmative. I watched as she sauntered out the room, closing the door behind her and not forgetting to give me a smile as she did so.

* * *

It had been two hours, and I was growing a little drowsy. It wasn't actually night time, but considering that I stayed up late the night before, due to the many amount of souls I had to ferry, I suppose it was to be expected. Beside me, on the night stand, was a cup of tea that Ayame had made for me earlier. She'd gone out with Hinageshi after that, saying something about shopping for some cute clothes for her date tomorrow. I declined their offer for me to join them, for as much as I wanted to, I was really too absorbed in my novel to tag along.

I continued to stare at the same passage I had for the last five minutes, trying to make out the words, but with each word I read I soon forgot the previous one. Sighing, I decided that perhaps I should take a little nap and procceeded to close the thick book in my grasp.

I reached for my now empty cup of tea, throwing my legs over the edge of the bed, as I stood up and walked towards the kitchen with the cup in my hands. I was on the verge of putting it in the sink, when a sudden spasm of pain around my head assaulted my senses, causing me to drop it on the sink. I heard the sound of the cup breaking, but I was too caught up in my own pain to bother. My head felt so dizzy, yet at the same time I couldn't help but feel as if it was going to explode or split apart. My vision blurred, and a loud ringing sound started to ring in my ears, threatening to make my ear drums bleed.

I felled on my knees to the floor, body quivering, beads of sweat starting to form on my skin, as the pain became almost too unbearable. I wasn't sure what was worse; the pain in my head or the annoying, ear-rupturing noise, but I just wanted the torment to end. The ringing in my ears grew louder, causing me to scream in agony. What the **hell** was happening to me? **Why** was this happening to me? Was this a bad dream?

 **"I can assure you, it's not."** A voice echoed within my mind, my eyes widening in alarm as I began to panic at the fact that I was probably in danger. Yet, a moment later, I realized it sounded strikingly similar to mine, further confusing, but comforting me at the same time.

" _W-who are you?_ " I asked, despite the overwhelming torment overtaking my senses.

 **"I am you."**

I blinked at the response. What? That wasn't possible! I was about to inquire more, when all of a sudden, the torturous pain in my head rapidly increased, threatening to break through my skull. I shut my eyes tight, grabbing each side of my head as tears stung at the back of my eyes.

A giggle, dark and mocking, reached my ears. **"Aww, does it hurt _that_ bad?" **Despite the fact the voice undoubtedly resembled mine, it was cold, taunting. In a way that made me feel almost helpless.

I ignored its words. " _Y-you can't be me! I am my own person! I don't know who you are, but look, if you're an enemy then..._ "

 **"Then what? You'll beg for help from your pathetic friends?"** The voice said sharply, cutting my sentence short like a kitchen knife. **"They don't stand a chance against _me_. If you really value their lives, then you'd be wise to leave them out of this." ** I could almost feel it smirk in triumph, and that irked me. **"Besides, you can't even stand, much less run over to them for rescue."**

 _"L-leave me alone!_ " I practically begged. " _Whoever you are, just leave me be!_ "

 **"Have I really grown stupid? Have Reikai really downsized my intelligence to that of a small child's?"** It grunted and snarled. I found its words offensive, but I had no strength to argue back. **"How many times do I have to repeat myself? I _am_ you. Whether you want to believe it or not."**

" _I-I can't believe you. I'm nothing like you._ "

 **"Hmph. But you are. Much more than you might realize, Botan. I am you, I am everything that you are... except with a more intelligent mind and more power than a puny ferry girl could have. I am you, only I'm something you have become after you succumbed to the darkness. You have no idea how much power you have, how much power you and I have. You are nothing but me. You are not the ferry girl you deem as your true self. That is nothing but an image Reikai implanted in your brain, that is an _illusion._ "**

" _I-I don't understand._ "

 **"... Then, let me help you understand."**

Just as those words resonated in my head, I felt a hand, its fingers as cold as ice, cupping my sweat beaded cheek. Strange. Suddenly, the pain was gone. The ringing had stopped. And my vision was beginning to return to normal. I shifted my gaze to where it was supposed to be, only to find nothing but the cold, tiled floor. Then, when I looked up again, a startled gasp left my lips, as I realized there was nothing staring back at me but total, complete darkness. Where am I?

 **"Hey."**

I almost jumped at the voice that suddenly disrupted the dead silence in the dark. Reluctantly, I lifted my head, eyes widening as I met a pair of amethysts and strands of sky blue hair. With the exception of the brown dress, tattered and muddied, and cold, menacing orbs glowering down at my form, she looked like an exact replica of me. Was she the one I was talking to?

" _Y-you... are you really me?_ " I couldn't help but question, despite the fear that gripped at my senses and telling me to run, flee as far away as I could from this girl. Or was she me?

 **"Yeah."**

Staring at her was like looking straight into a mirror. But, her lips were pulled upwards into a light smirk, whilst mine were tugged down to form a deep frown. She seemed the same, but she felt too different.

" _H-how is that possible? What are you... going to do to me?_ "

A chuckle hung in the air, seeming to reverbrate through my entire being as it poured out of her lips. **"I have no intentions of hurting anyone."** Her smirk widened ever so slightly. **"Not myself, anyway."**

I was silent, I didn't know what to say. I merely watched her with suspicious eyes as she strolled calmly my way, her small footsteps echoing in the darkness, as I took a sharp intake of breath, preparing myself for an attack.

Her hands reached out, and I nearly backed away, only to blink in confusion when instead of inflicting pain on me like I thought she would, she merely cupped my cheeks, the touch almost welcoming and tender as she gave me a warm smile. **"Relax, I will not harm you. I am only trying to help you remember."**

My brows creased in further bewilderment at her words. What did she mean by that? I parted my mouth, but before I could even utter out a word, her hands emitted a soft, yellow light. I blinked for a moment, before widening my eyes as my heart began to thump wildly in my chest. Images after images - no, they were **memories** \- flooded into my mind, causing waves after waves of shock to overtake my senses. Almost as instantly, I felt an overwhelming power surge throughout my entire being, streaming inside each cell under my skin, and making a dark part in my soul greedy for more. And more, and more kept overflowing within me, threatening to break my lithe form, as I struggled to somewhat control it, but it only grew stronger the more I tried.

 **"Don't resist it. It's yours to begin with."**

I doubled over as the power became too strong, warm tears falling down my cheeks as more memories played inside my head - most of them painful, torturous, and just downright disgusting. Although, I took comfort in the happy, pleasant ones that seemed to ease the pain a little. Breathing now labored, my eyes grew scarlet, tainting my view with nothing but deep red. I heard a chuckle, one that I had first loathed to hear, but now accepted as my own, reached my ears, her words like a broken lullaby, as it tumbled out her lips,

 **"I am you, and you are me. Together, we are one. And _nothing_ can ever change that. Remember that, Botan. Don't ever forget as you had done so before."**

* * *

 **A/N: Okay... so this is my first take on writing about Botan's past. I mean, I have wanted to do so for a long time, but I always forget. Still, this is only just the beginning. And I must warn you that this fic WILL grow darker in later chapters. So, if you don't like that, or if you enjoy lighter themes more, then I suggest you stop reading here.**

 **Thank you for reading, and,**

 **Review when you have the time!**

 **Goodbye, and I wish you a good day!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.**

 **Summary: A forgotten past. A new threat. A chance to regain her past self... but does she really want to?**

 **Reminiscent**

 **Chapter 2**

 **January 25th, 1985**

Eyelids fluttering open, I slowly began to regain my consciousness, only to shut my eyes tight, as a shining light accidentally entered my view, nearly blinding me. Turning my face to the side, I hesitantly opened my eyes again, blinking at the blank, dirty wall staring back at me. Fear gripped at my senses, as I realized the room was dark, nothing but the light hanging on top of me brightening up the walls. I was desperate to get out of here, and I attempted move, trying to raise my arms and legs. My brows furrowed when I realized I couldn't even move a muscle. Something was holding my arms and legs back, as if restraining me. I lifted my head up a little, to peer at whatever it was, panic creeping up my skin as the terrifying revelation hit me that both my wrists were shackled. I assumed my ankles were, too, which completely denied me of any possible escape. What is this? Where am I? What happened?

Memories started to flood my mind, but I could recall nothing but a group of men in white robes tugging me out of my mother's arms, snatching me away from the only family I had. Mom's cries rang in my ears, " _No! Let her go! Please! Give my daughter back to me!_ " repeating over and over like a broken lullaby. And I remembered the feeling of being pushed harshly into a car, a man ordering me to shut up, and slamming me against the door. Then, I blacked out.

No... I have to get out... I can't stay here...

I pulled, tugged at the shackles in an effort to somehow break myself out of them, but to no avail. I was only human, I didn't have any iron strength that would help me escape. I was a **kid** , for god's sake. Why would anyone do this...?

Tears stung at the back of my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away as a door suddenly slammed open, the screeching sound of the wooden material scratching against the floor was like a sound that warned me of my forthcoming doom. Foot steps echoed in the room, and I tried not to look at whoever it was that had entered. The door shut close with a loud banging noise.

"Don't worry," a cold voice spoke to me, taunting the little me, "I'm only going to experiment on you for a bit."

I swallowed a lump in my throat, the anxiety and tremor running through my veins making me sweat. "Experiment...?" I croaked out, my voice sounding hoarse, as if I hadn't drank water for days.

Turning my head limply to face him, I caught sight of a large syringe instead, the pricking needle at the end further increasing my fears. Was he going to drug me? I started to panic, crying out of trepidation as I struggled against the shackles restraining me, trying to break free. The man suddenly grabbed my small arm with one hand, his strong, vice like grip nearly breaking my bones. His other hand held the syringe closely to my skin, I could see a yellow liquid inside, and I began to wonder what it was. A whimper escaped me as he pressed the needle, digging it lightly into my skin, before pushing the plunger, injecting whatever the liquid was into my body.

He removed the syringe as he was finished. "There, that should do it. Now, we wait for the effects to take over."

Effects? What effects? At first, I felt nothing, except for a numbing sensation that spread throughout my entire body. Then, all of a sudden, an unbearable pain constricted in my chest, before travelling all the way to my stomach, before engulfing my whole being. I could feel something surging through my veins, and I didn't know what it was, but it **hurt.** It felt as if my bones were cracking, almost breaking, and my small body threatened to explode under the brute force. My screams rattled the walls, but my pleas for the torment to stop felled on deaf ears.

"That's it... that's it..." I heard the man say, his chuckle, a painful requiem as it tumbled out of his lips and reached my ears. I hated him then, and I flicked my gaze to shoot a heated glare at his form. He wore a mask, hiding everything but his cold, smoldering eyes as he glowered down at me.

The torture suddenly increased, my heart feeling as if it would burst out of my chest. Coughs after coughs of blood erupted from my small form, my sky blue hair sticking to my face - whether it was due to the sweat or the tears, I didn't know. My voice gradually became hoarser, and hoarser, as hours and hours passed, but the pain never relented. It wasn't until thirty minutes later, did it finally stop, leaving me in nothing but a disheveled, shivering mess.

I slumped limply on my back, heavy pants escaping my lips, as I stared blankly at the light. It blinded me, at first, but right now, it seemed to bring nothing but comfort. The top of my dress were completely blood smeared, the tears on my skins dry, as the pain faded away, leaving me sore and tired in my shackles. My eyes slowly drifted close, as I began to give in to my exhaustion, the sound of foot steps walking away, and the door opening and closing distinct to my ears. Before I felled into a deep slumber, my last thoughts were of my mother, father and big brother and I wondered briefly if they missed me.

Please...

I just want to go home...

 **February 3rd, 1985**

I woke up to a bright, white room.

My eyes were blank for a moment, emotionless as if I was a puppet, before regaining their humanity back. Memories began to fill my head, the incident from before with that man causing me to sit up from the bed I was lying on. The thought that he might come back occurred to me, alarming my senses, and I attempted to throw my legs over the bed, nothing but the idea of getting out of here appealing to me. Although, I only managed to get my right leg off the bed, before a wince involuntarily escaped me when I tried to lift my left one.

I looked down, blinking when I saw that my leg was covered in a white cast. What the...? I tried to move it again, only to let out a groan, as a spasm of pain assaulted my senses. I was silent, staring at my leg for what felt like forever, before slowly, I reached out, my fingers trembling as I ran them over the cast. What? Did I...? Did I break it? My left leg? When?

The wooden door suddenly slid open, bringing me out of my reverie. I swiftly turned to the source of the sound, gripping the sheets with my free hand as I prepared to attack whoever it was that would enter. Although, it wasn't as if I had a chance, considering my state. The fact that I was merely an eight year old girl was already enough to convince anyone that I would never win if I pit against an adult, and now that my leg was probably broken, that just worsened my situation. But, I had to try. I'd be damned before I let them win so easily.

To my surprise, the person who came in wasn't a large, tall adult like the one before, but a small, skinny boy instead. His spiky brown hair, and his sharp sapphire blue eyes gazef back at me, a wide, ear to ear grin slowly appearing on his boyish features as if he was glad to see me.

"Hey, good to see you're awake!" he said, whilst I continued to stare at him, dumbfounded. His grin faltered a little, as a look of confusion crossed his face. He tilted his head at me, blinking back as I blinked at him. "What is it?" he asked curiously.

It took me a second before I finally snapped out of it. "Nothing... It's just... who are you...?" I questioned cautiously, retrieving my right leg from the end of the bed.

I didn't think there was another kid here besides me, and although I should probably by comforted by the sudden revelation that I was not alone, it frightened me to think how many children they were keeping here. If they could kidnap two, that maybe meant they could take more.

"Oh, me? Don't worry, I'm not with them!" he answered, the toothy grin returning as he walked his way to my bed, not forgetting to close the door before he did so.

"That still doesn't answer my question..." I mumbled, watching him as he took a seat on an unoccupied space on the bed. He seemed to be examining my - hopefully not - broken leg.

"My name is Akira Tokouki," came his response and his grin broadened slightly.

"Botan... Fukuyama..." I slowly introduced myself, finally responding to his friendly grin with a smile of my own. It only lasted for a few moments though, and it wavered quickly as I fixated my gaze on my leg. "It's not broken... is it?"

His grin felled all of a sudden. That was all it took to confirm my suspicions. "I wish I could say it isn't, but..." he trailed off, knowing that I already understood.

"H-he... he did this to me..." I murmured, my hand forming into a small fist as I gritted my teeth, the memories flooding into my mind burning my soul with a hatred I didn't think I could possess.

Akira looked up at me with a frown, his pools of sapphires reflecting nothing but bewilderment. "He...? Who are you talking about?"

"That man!" I growled in animosity, catching Akira, who hadn't expected it, off guard. It even startled me, but I got over the shock rather fast. "H-he... he injected with something... a drug or whatever... a-and..." The pain. I didn't know how to describe the pain I had experience. Would Akira understand if I told him?

When I lifted my gaze to meet his, I was shocked to see the look of understanding that crossed his face. As if he had gone through the same thing. "Oh, that was Murakami," he mumbled, more to himself than to me. "He's the one who does the injecting and stuff... That thing he infused into our bodies?" Bodies? So, he did go through it as well! "That's something they call Project Z - lame name, if you ask me."

I took a moment to comprehend. "Project Z? What is that?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Who knows? Only **they** know. All I can tell for sure is that whoever gets injected with it..." He paused, seeming to consider if he should tell. I prodded him to go on, "... gains powers."

"Huh?" I frowned. "Powers? That kind of thing isn't possible," I replied, shaking my head in disbelive. Or could powers really be real?

"Well," He shrugged once again, "I dunno how they did it, but it's true." He paused a moment to study my expression. "You don't believe me, do you?" he stated, more than asked, as he crossed his legs, and procceeded to place an elbow on the one on top, burying his chin in his palm, and never taking his eyes off of me.

I was hesitant for a second, then I nodded my head. He sighed, removing his chin from his palm, and for some reason, holding one hand in the air.

Confused by his actions, I inquired, "What are you doing?"

A light smirk tugged at his lips. "Just watch," he mysteriously said, further bewildering my already disoriented mind. But, I remained quiet, doing as he told.

I squinted my eyes as I caught sight of a gleaming light hovering above his palm... only to broaden them as the small shine erupted into a big, raging fire. I watched in surprise - and awe - as it continued to grow bigger and bigger... before fading in a flash. Blinking for a moment at the sudden disappearance, I mumbled, "H-how did you..."

"Like I said," He laughed, "That drug - or whatever - gives us super powers."

I was still a little skeptical, but slowly thinking it over, I started to believe him. After all, that kind of thing wasn't entirely impossible. If he could make a fire barehanded, then I guess the drug did work that way. Only one question remained, however:

"But, why would they do that? I mean, put that thing inside our bodies..."

Akira was quiet for a while, as if he was considering a few reasons. Although, the response he regarded me with was only a light shrug of his shoulder. "Who knows?" he mumbled under his breath. Silence hung in the air only for a couple of seconds, before he sent me a lopsided grin. Changing the subject, he said, "So, what do you think of my ability? Pretty cool, huh?" as if to ease the tension.

A giggle began to build in my chest, before erupting out of my throat. "I guess," I replied as I nodded my head. The answer I rewarded him with made his face look as if it would disappear behind the huge grin he sported.

"I'm really flattered, but then again," he started, shifting on the bed into an indian sitting position, "I didn't expect to hear that from someone who was injected with something more potent with Project Z."

"What?" I nearly shrieked, the news startling and frightening me at the same time. "What do you mean, more potent?"

He hummed thoughtfully. "Well, I don't really know what they named it, but yeah. So, I was wondering what your powers are, and what that new drug they injected you with does. Are you stronger or something? There has to be something special about it."

I was too surprised to even know what to think, much less speak. Powers? I didn't know what they were. And frankly, I was scared to know what they were. What if they were dangerous?

"I-I don't... I'm not sure..." I finally answered after what felt like ages. He ogled at my form, blinking. After some time, I suppose he realized I was starting to fret over this, and he quickly declared,

"Don't worry about it. It's not that bad once you get to control it." Although, as those words escaped him, I could tell he was hiding something. He wasn't about to tell me whatever it was though.

I nodded my head, anyway. I tried to think of something else, and that was when a thought abruptly crossed my mind. "Putting that aside, how long have I been out?"

For some reason, the corners of his lips curled upwards into a smirk. "Let me think..." After a mili second, "... about ten days or so?"

My jaws felled open. Ten days? What? Did I really sleep that long?

"Well, it's not that surprising since you almost got killed," he murmured, snapping me out of my thoughts. I could tell he pitied me, despite his words, as I looked into his eyes. But, I wasn't sure how to respond. He must have gone through the same thing, maybe that was why he was giving me the most sympathetic look I had ever seen. In a way, I felt comforted over the fact that I was not alone in this - whatever this is - and that there was at least one person who understood me.

"Let's stop talking about this," he suddenly announced. I blinked at him as he stood up from the bed. I started to panic when I saw that he was walking for the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked, and surprised him, and even myself at how desperate and scared I came off. I realized I didn't want to be alone.

He seemed to read through my thoughts. "Don't worry," he told me once again, as he gave me a small, reassuring smile. "I'm only going to get some food for you, seeing as you can't as well walk with that broken leg," he elaborated, as he placed one fist on the doorknob. I relaxed a little at his words. Right. He had a point. It wasn't as if I could walk around with my current state. It hurt enough when I tried to move my fractured leg.

"Okay."

"... Good. I'll see you later," he said, before bidding me farewell, and exiting the room.

The door creaked close.

 **April 6th, 1985**

It had been about nine weeks since I was stuck in this horrid place. Although, my stay wasn't that terrible with Akira around. The two of us had grown close over time, with him consistently visiting my room - or my cell, as the scientists here would call it - just to give me some company. He was a nice guy, although a bit arrogant and temperamental at times. The other good news was that my leg had healed about a week ago. And now, instead of using a wheelchair, I could finally walk freely, which was a fact I took very much joy in.

But, even when I was sufferinng with a broken leg, that didn't stop **them** from constantly checking up on me. I couldn't help the raging fire that burned inside my soul everytime I saw a man or a woman in a white robe coming into my room, as I despised all of them to the core. In spite of the many faces that had greeted me on their "little visits", never did I see **him** again, not even once. That man. The one who drugged me and cursed me with these... these powers...! I didn't want them, even when I thought Akira's flame ability was cool. Something terrified me about them. They almost felt dark. They beckoned me closer, trying to manipulate me to use them. I refused, no matter how much the dark whispers in my head increased.

It wasn't until tonight did he finally came.

Those cold, smoldering eyes fixed on me as he entered, closing the door behind him. It was night. It was dark. **Everyone's sleeping. No one would know if you kill him.** A part of me growled, low and dangerous, but I did not heed. I refused to resort to murder, no matter how much I loathed the man.

"You were great, you did a good job. I almost thought you would die. But, you didn't give up until the end. You are a strong girl," His words, praising and filled with satisfaction, merely burned my sides with a deep hatred. Anger began to crept under my skin, but I tried not to let it show in an attempt to control it.

I looked at him, studying his features. Without the surgery mask, I could finally completely gaze at his face. Then, I hated him more than ever. I hated that smug smirk on his face. I hated that gleam of glee in his almost blank orbs. I hated him. I hated everything him.

 **Kill him.**

But, I can't...

 **No! Just kill him... He dragged you into this... and now he looks like he's proud of it... Kill him. Kill him! You know you want it!**

No!

The whispers grew louder, and I quickly averted my gaze, my head drooping low as my eyes felled to my quivering hands. I bit my lip, but my vision was turning scarlet. I wonder why?

"As I thought, I made the right decision choosing you. You were a great little specimen to experiment on," I heard him say.

No, shut up.

"Albeit, you had almost bled to death and you had your leg fractured, but I can say for sure that you were..."

Please just shut up.

"... what I can proudly call a fantastic success."

 **Success? Really? Oh, yeah, sure, almost killing an eight year old girl is a _fantastic success_! Why don't you put that on a list or something? Just go away. I hope you die.**

 **I want to kill you.**

The man gave me a smile I found sick and disgusting, before opening the door. As he left, I almost killed him. Right then and there. And for once, I wanted to give in to my powers so I could make him suffer a slow, painful death. Put him through more torment than he ever put me through.

But, I didn't. As if I regained a little bit of my humanity at the last second, I hesitated. And I could only watch him silently as he left.

The door creaked close, just as the whispers came to a stop.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.**

 **Summary: A forgotten past. A new threat. A chance to regain her past self... but does she really want to?**

 **Reminiscent**

 **Chapter 3**

 **April 23rd, 1990**

Two hours... three, four hours...

I wonder for how long have I been screaming?

The loud, ear-rupturing almost banshee like shrieks that echoed throughout the entire laboratory sounded like they didn't belong to me. The scientists surrounding me were talking, discussing, but it didn't matter to me then. All I could think of was the fast tempo thumping of my heart, almost feeling like it would burst out of my chest, as waves after waves of electric shocks surged through my entire being. I subconsciously gripped my - shackled - hands into tight fists, my eyelids shutting tight as the currents became stronger - did they turn the voltage up? - and the pain became more unbearable. My whole body was like burned meat, and I could almost smell the burning flesh - but, with the torture I was going through, that was hardly one of my top concerns. The torment was wildly intense, I didn't know how to describe it, but I just wanted it all to end. Distinctly, my ears caught the sound of something falling to the ground, crashing and breaking like broken glass. I didn't know what it was, but again, I didn't care.

Then, as if finally abiding to my wishes,

the pain stopped.

Slowly faded away,

until there was nothing.

Why did they stop? Was it relevant? I was more than relieved, but I couldn't as well move. Not just because of the shackles, but also due to the fact I didn't really want to. I wanted to rest here for a little longer. My eyes were wide open, staring straight into the light hanging above me, but my mind was not here even though my body was. I could see the scientists' mouths moving, but no words came tumbling out. I could make out some words, but I didn't really understand most of them.

"Mind control? Are you sure? She's..."

"... es, I'm sure. If not, how did she make that mirror break on its own?"

"So... she can control things with her mind? That's magnifi..."

"Yes, I agree. Although, I suspect she can also control human minds..."

"Hmm... yes, that would explain why that guy would inject himself with the drug..."

"But, he died... I suppose that means that the drug doesn't work with adults and is only supposed to work on the young generation."

"Perhaps... Well, we have time to experiment on that theory as much as we want. For now, let's get her back to her cell... You two, remove her shackles, but be careful. If she uses her mind control ability then..."

"Are you sure we did the right thing? Shocking her..."

"She had it coming."

Then, all of a sudden, the words felled silent. Whether they stopped chattering, or I just stopped listening, I wasn't fully aware. My mind was busy trying to comprehend what I just heard - although distinct, I was sure I heard them correctly. Mind control? Who, me? My powers? And what mirror? What guy? Did I somehow use my powers without knowing?

Almost abruptly, I felt my wrists being freed, and it took me only a moment to understand that they had removed the shackles. I could run. I could escape this nightmare, I thought briefly. But then, I wouldn't be able to. The strong security in this god forsaken place would see to that. Besides, my whole body was sore, my muscles wouldn't move no matter how much I ordered them to.

So, I merely allowed them as they took hold of my arms, and procceeded to drag me out of the door. Just as I was two meters away from the exit in the room, my half lidded orbs caught sight of a body - a man, an adult - lying on the floor. His whole body was bloody, and his skin almost seemed like they were slowly but gradually peeling off of him, revealing a little bit of the white bones covered underneath. Normally, the sight alone would have me vomit out of sheer disgust, but by now, I was used to it. It wasn't like I hadn't seen it. The other kids - ones who couldn't withstand the drug - suffered the same death. It was the same image over and over again, only this time it was an adult. I felt a strange satisfaction as I gaped down at his corpse, a weird sensation that was close to that of pride. Did I do to this to him? With my powers?

 **Serves him right. He deserved to die after everything he did to the children he kept captive in this hellhole. He deserved to die after everything he did to _you_.**

But, I tried to brush off the thoughts, to bury them in the deepest part of my mind. But, the whispers were relentless, pushing at me no matter how many times I pushed back. Until, eventually, they almost had me convinced.

Almost.

Then, I finally looked away from the decomposing body, turned my gaze to the door as they dragged me out of it, slamming the heavy, metal material shut with a loud banging noise.

 **April 23rd, 1990, #2**

"How are you?"

I heard a voice, one I recognized the owner as my only friend, Akira, and I tried to turn in my bed the best I could with my wounds. I only managed to succeed mid way in my efforts when I heard small footsteps running over my way, and felt strong, yet lithe hands grabbing my arms with the gentlest force I had felt for a long time since I was stuck here.

"Don't. Don't bother turning. You're still recovering, so don't you dare move. Just rest. I'm fine like this," his voice, usually rough and arrogant sounding, was soft in a way he had used on me on countless times when he worried about my well being.

I felt a smile slowly curling up the corners of my lips. "But, it's rude to talk to someone without looking at their face."

"Does it fucking matter?" he snapped at me, and I could almost see him rolling his eyes in annoyance. I didn't bother to reprimand him for his use of coarse language, as I was preoccupied with something else.

I felt his aura spiking with deep resentment and a feeling of revenge, and I was sure at that moment he would try to do something stupid. I didn't want that. He would get hurt again. The last time he did, he tried to set one of **them** on fire, and nearly got killed in return. Thank goodness to that guy - Murakami - who managed to convince the other scientists they still needed him, using the excuse that he was looking out for me since it was my first time getting electric shocked to make his words believable. They let him off the hook with the warning that if he tried to "pull another stunt", they would see to it that he lost his life. For once, I was actually grateful to Murakami, but I knew he didn't really care, instead he merely didn't want to have one of his "wonderful specimens" to slip away from his fingers. The bastard.

"Please don't," I murmured.

By then, Akira had already taken a seat on an unoccupied space on my bed, and was shifting rather uncomfortably on the sheets. I guess he didn't like that I managed to see through his plans. Still, he feigned ignorance as he asked, "Don't what, exactly?"

"You know what I mean," I answered in a firm yet gentle voice.

Silence hung in the air for a moment, seeming as if Akira was considering my request. After another second, he heaved a defeated sigh, to which I couldn't help but grin; that was it, I knew I had one.

"Fine," he relented in a grudging tone. I heard him grumbling something incoherent under his breath before, "But, I just hate them for doing this to you, you know? What the hell are they thinking?"

"They're not really thinking. They just want to experiment on us. Whatever happens to us isn't of any importance to them," I found myself mumbling before I could stop myself. I was met with silence as a response, which I took as a sign that Akira agreed.

"Why won't they just stop though? They seem intent on torturing you than any of the rest of us," he said in a low, almost inaudible whisper, but I heard him quite clearly.

"Yeah, but that's just because I'm the only one who refuses to use my powers. So, they're resorting to torture and violence to make me submit... but I'd rather die than give in to those heartless bastards," I growled out my last sentence, the hatred burning at my sides barely conceivable.

"That might happen, you know," Akira whispered once again. I rotated my head a little to shift my gaze on him. He was studying with a serious expression, but I could see the forlorn look in his blue orbs, almost as if he feared that he might lose me. "You could literally die if you keep being stubborn like that."

I was silent for a moment, before I averted my eyes from his unwavering gaze. "It doesn't matter," I retorted, and I could almost see Akira biting back a spiteful comment at the tip of his tongue. "They'd probably go easy on me after this. I accidentally used my powers just now."

"Really?" Before I could comprehend what happened, Akira had slammed his fists at either side of my head. I turned to peer at him, a deep red tint coloring my cheeks in embarrassment as the revelation hit me that his face was merely inches from mine. Akira didn't seem to realize it, however, as he was overjoyed by the news I had given him more, the look on his face making that much clear.

"And what happened? What powers do you have? What did they say? Did they..." My ears blocked out the rest of his words, as I was too busy blushing over the close proximity between the two of us - which had considerably neared, I noticed. I quickly decided that this needed to stop, before I'd faint out of embarrassment. I never saw Akira as other than my best friend, but he was a guy, nonetheless.

"Y-you idiot!" I tried to cry out indignantly, only to curse at myself when I stammered instead. "Y-you're too close, you moron!"

As if the fact just hit him like a ton of bricks, Akira pulled apart almost instantly, the blush on his cheeks matching mine, except his was a little darker. "S-sorry! I-I didn't mean to..." His voice died down, as he turned to look away, avoiding my gaze just as I was avoiding his.

"I-It's fine..." I mustered up the courage to reply. I felt myself relax a little as a sudden silence engulfed us, only the sound of Akira shifting here and there on the bed reaching my ears. When I had regained a bit of my composure, I declared, "It's mind control, by the way."

"... Your powers?" Akira asked for confirmation, getting over our little embarrassing interaction that had occurred just a while ago.

"Yeah." I paused. "But, I'm not planning to use them," I finished in a firm voice, which left no room for disagreement. Akira didn't get the message though, and I felt him shift violently on the bed, as if he was turning to face me with a surprised, yet angry expression on his countenance.

"Why not? It's been five years, and you've finally found out what you can really do! Your ability... Are you freaking serious? Are you **asking** for them to torture you again?" Akira growled, low and dangerous, his blue orbs threatening to burn a hole into my head. He was glaring at me.

I expelled a deep sigh, and in a soft voice, I told him, "Please understand, Akira. I don't want to use them. I just... I don't know, I get a feeling I can hurt someone if I do." It was bad enough that I ended up using them on accident. Why though? I was doing good trying to avoid that, of all things. Were they growing stronger? If they could manifest on their own... or were they feeding on my growing, intense hatred for the scientists and this place? No... I shook my head. Maybe I'm just getting paranoid.

"But..." Akira made to counter, but I swiftly cut him off,

"Besides, it's not like they stop torturing you when you start using your powers. They keep on doing it anyway. And I didn't want to find out what my "ability" was, I never did," I informed him, my voice louder and firmer this time. I was well aware of the "torture training" they were forcing kids to engage in to, all the while acting as if they were parents gushing over their children's "success".

 **They make me sick.**

Akira seemed to finally give up after that, heaving out a sigh of defeat, before mumbling, "Fine." Although, I could tell he was reluctant to give in just like that. I couldn't blame him. I knew he meant good, that he just didn't want to see me get hurt. But, that kind of thing was inevitable, no matter what I choose; whether I want to use my powers or not, it would still go the same way.

"Ne, Akira..." I called out.

"Hmm? What is it?"

"Do you think we'll ever get out of here?" I asked, my words coming out as a low whisper. I wasn't sure why I bothered asking this. But, I needed to know.

Akira was silent, seeming as if he was musing over the question. I could tell he didn't believe in a way out, as he hesitated. "I... I guess," he mumbled, his voice laced with uncertaintly. But, a second later, he loudly declared, "We will! Of course we will!" And this time, his tone held a bit of determination and reassurance. Although, I was sure he was not only reassuring me, but also himself, as he uttered out those words.

Both of us didn't really know if we would escape from this - this terrible fate - but we clung to that little shred of hope - hope that we would finally be freed eventually.

After all, we still had each other to rely on.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.**

 **Summary: A forgotten past. A new threat. A chance to regain her past self... but does she really want to?**

 **Reminiscent**

 **Chapter 4**

 **May 27th, 1993**

"Where are you taking me?" I asked, trying to come off strong. But, my voice was barely anything but one that closely resembled to that of a small, scared child hiding at the corner from monsters in her closet. And I was no kid. I was sixteen. I shouldn't sound anything like the me from eight years ago, but I was.

Fear was starting to overtake my senses, telling me to run - run like hell. But, my feet was quivering so much, it was hard to even take a step. My mind was screaming for me to pry for an escape, **No, don't let them have their way. Run! Run as far away as you can.** But, my body wouldn't move no matter how strong my desire to flee, allowing them to drag me along the long, seemingly endless hallway. I distinctly caught the sound of a click, a noise that I soon recognized as a door unlocking, but with the absence of light in the dark hallway, I could barely see to confirm my suspicions.

Then, all of sudden, a hand roughly pushed me, a startled cry leaving my lips as I felled face first on the ground. There was a lingering taste of dirt at the tip of my tongue, filling me with disgust as I coughed again and again to get rid of it from my mouth. Just as my fit of coughs came into a stop, the sound of the door slamming shut reached my ears, the loud banging noise that followed it causing me to cry out of trepidation. The revelation hit me a moment later that they had pushed me into a room - and a dark one at that. Impossibly, it was darker than the black surrounding the walls in the hallway, where I could still see a few shadows and movements, although vague as they were. But here - right in this cold, empty, dark room - my eyes could stare at nothing but pure, unwanted black.

Worried and terrified, I began screaming for help. My eyes rapidly darted left and right, as if I could find a living person if I searched enough. But, my efforts were fruitless, I wasn't able to see anything. The darkness beckoned at me, the evil whispers in my head growing louder and louder the longer I stayed in this degrading place. Tears stung at the back of my eyes, but I refused to cry. If this was some sort of test those sick, mentally disturbed pyschos were trying to pull at me, then I wasn't going to fall for it.

 **This place suits you** , a voice said with a giggle within the deep recesses of my mind. I tried not to pay much attention to it, but just like those little kids tugging at your sleeve for you to buy a pet toy for them, it was relentless. It grew stronger, louder, its words taunting, each syllable mocking than the one before.

 **Why are you frightened? This room is dark... just like your soul.**

 _But, I don't even want to be here_! My mind screamed out of pure anger, the whispers finally fading away, its clear, loud sentences now reduced to mere whispers. Then, all of a sudden, they stopped. I heaved a sigh of relief, but as fate would have it, something more dangerous lingered in the darkness that was surrounding me. Just as I was about to take another step, a large hand suddenly reached out, its skinny, bony fingers grabbing at me in a tight, vice-like hold and tugged at my leg, causing me to trip on my feet. I felled with a loud cry, my head bumping into something hard. Somewhere in my mind, I assumed it was a rock, but my thoughts were instantly cut a short as a body, far more humongous than my little one, bent over my back, successfully keeping me still.

"Who... who are you?" I inquired in a low, almost inaudible whisper. But, I knew the other person could hear me. There was no way they didn't, with their close proximity to me, their hot breath ghosting over my ear. The hair on my neck stood, fear gripping at my senses as I heard a low chuckle, the sound reverberating through my entire being and taunting at my mind.

"You are quite a ripe, delicious little girl, aren't you..." A perverted voice sounded from behind me, sending shivers down my spine. I recognized the voice to that of a man's, an adult, which merely fueled me with fury and disgust. I was sixteen, and whoever this bastard was, was obviously far older than that.

A growl involuntarily left my lips as a callous hand suddenly trailed up my thigh, its teasing pace burning my sides with a deep, intense feeling of loathing. The touch itself was nauseating, and the feeling of his hot breath fanning over my sensitive - now sweaty - skin was absolutely territying and utterly degrading. This guy was stooping so low that he would try to take advantage of a frightened, shivering, **cowering** teenage girl, the thought filling me with complete disgust for this pathetic excuse of a human being. I tried to move, tried to break free, but an arm quickly tugged me back into place. Panic began to take its place of my fear; **I'm only a teen, how can I escape?** It was bad enough that the bastard was a male, worse still was that he was an adult. Much stronger than I was. The fact left me with nothing but a slim chance to win.

Almost as instantly, those words came, **Don't touch me** , just as something long and wet licked a trail up the back of neck, my hair having slipped over my shoulder to reveal my smooth throat. I had an idea of what it was, but I didn't want to think about it.

Ew. No. Get away from me.

 **Kill him. He's a freaking pedophile. Kill him!**

 _No. I can't. Murdering someone isn't the right thing to do_.

 **So, you're gonna let him molest you? Sure, that's a good idea.**

 _Then... what do you want me to do?_ I asked in my musings, helplessness filling every cell of my being as the small shred of hope for escape slowly began to fade away.

 **Don't fall into despair yet, my dear. Fufufu... I _know_ just the thing to do...**

The second those words echoed in my head, an image of blood splattering all over the walls, entrails all over the floor, pieces of flesh lying like dead animal meat on the ceiling and a head - with his eyes gouged out, and his tongue hanging out of its mouth suddenly came into mind. I nearly whimpered, both at the grostegue sight I'd conjured up in my thoughts, and at the feel of hands gliding into my skirt.

 _No... no..._

 **Kill... kill... kill...**

"You have such a soft skin..."

 _Please don't..._

 **Kill him... kill him... kill him!**

"I am going to enjoy breaking you, my sweet..." The man sneered.

I felt his fingers curling over the waistband of my panties and that was it, I snapped,

 **Get your fucking filthy hands off of me!**

Before I knew it, I felt a pull at the middle of my waist, a power surging through my body. I heard a sound, folllowed by noises of rustling. The man's weight was suddenly gone, as if he had just pulled apart from me, and all of a sudden, I caught a distinct sound of ticking - almost like a bomb. Then, seconds later... KABOOM! - a loud explosion resonated in the quiet room, the whole building shaking under the strong impact.

The sound of something splattering over the walls, followed by the noise of something rolling on the ground... I tried not to think of it, but I was subconsciously aware of what it was. Then, all of a sudden, I was vividly aware of the sensation of something wet, warm and sticky trailing down my thighs, all over my clothes, as the smell of blood invaded my nostrils...

The door suddenly slammed open, and abruptly, a blinding light attacked my defenseless eyes, my face instinctively turning to face the other way around. At that moment, I finally saw it; the sight that had greeted me in my thoughts...

Blood splattered all over the walls, entrails all over the floor, pieces of flesh dangling like dead animal meat on the ceiling...

Something rolled to my feet, bumping into my toe nails, and I looked down, momentarily noting the blood smearing my rosy toes, before shifting my gaze to the thing. A head, its eyes gouged out, with its tongue hanging limply at the edge of its mouth came into view. For a moment, I stared, my eyes blank, emotionless and expressionless as I gaped down at it. Then, a dizzy sensation suddenly assaulted my senses, my vision becoming a blur. My eyes grew half lidded, and my body felled with a loud thump on the cold, dirty floor. And as if I had snapped out of a trance, and all feeling finally came back to me, I felt an excruciating pain around my chest. A part of my mind was vividly aware of a hole in my chest; _Was I shot?_

My dead, brightless purple orbs stared straight into the light, just as a few people came barging in. Loud screams, arguments occured all at once, but all I could really care was a tall, spiky brown haired boy staring at me with his sapphire eyes as wide as saucers and tears falling down his cheeks. When had he arrived? I wasn't sure. But, a smile, bitter yet sweet, found its way to my lips; _Don't be sad, Akira. I'll be alright._ I tried to tell him, but he shook his head, the usual fiery, passionate look in his eyes now gone, replaced by a deep forlorn, sorrowful tint.

"Botan! Botan!" I heard him cry, and despite the blood rapidly oozing out of my chest, and my consciousness gradually fading away into nothing, I could make out some words from the movements of his mouth...

" _You're going to die..."_

I could see Akira trying to run over to me, but the scientists blocking his way was stopping him from taking another step. His eyes never left mine, just as mine never left his, then in between those desperate shouts of my name, I could hear him say,

" _I love you..._ "

My smile broadened, and finally, after so long of holding them back, my tears finally cascaded down my cheeks, mashing with the blood oozing out my lips. I could feel the darkness slowly engulfing my being, but I knew my powers were still as strong as ever. So, with one last glance over at my best friend, my only friend, Akira, I turned my head with as much effort as I could to a man, standing tall with a cold expression on his countenance, staring down at me. I instantly recognized him as the man who had first dragged me into this mayhem, into this pit where I could never return. _Murakami_. I smirked, then with a final exert of strength, I called to my powers, beckoning them closer...

In a split second, I already decapicated all the heads of the scientists in the room. Their limbs flying off to the walls, to the floor, to every inch of this god forsaken place, as I dismembered them one by one. All except Akira was dead, their blood decorating the blank room into a deep, crimson shade.

The last thing I saw was the image of Akira running towards me. The last thing I felt was his tears dripping down my cheeks. The last thing I heard was his voice begging me not to leave him.

Then, my eyes slowly slid close,

as the darkness finally claimed me.

 **Present Day**

"Botan? Botan? Are you alright?"

I heard a loud, distressed voice calling out for me as I gradually regained my consciousness. Where am I? I briefly wondered. But, I could take a wild guess. I could recognized the voice.

 **Koenma.**

"Botan?"

My name, passing his lips, and his name, crossing my thoughts, burned my soul with an intense, raging hatred that I never thought I would possess towards a friend. **But he was no friend. He was a traitor. I would kill him.**

But, not now. Someday... maybe.

Eyelids fluttering open, I slowly opened my eyes, blinking at the hand touching mine, before shifting my gaze upwards to the owner. Hazel orbs gaped back at me, the joy and relief touching the pools of brown filling me with disgust and anger. How dare he fake concern over me after all he's done to me? Erasing my memories, and keeping me in the dark?

I caught sight of him rotating his head to the right - and there was Ayame and Hinageshi. His mouth was moving, but my mind couldn't form out the words with the whirlwind of deep, negative emotions of betrayal and hurt taking residence in my heart.

Propping myself on my elbows, I started to sit up from the bed I was lying on, distinctly catching the sound of Ayame's worried tone questioning me if I was alright, followed by Koenma's voice reassuring her that I was. I smirked inwardly. **Oh. I'll show you how "alright" I really am.**

Chanting something under my breath, my eyes turned into a bright scarlet, tainting my vision bloody red as I began to summon my powers. As Koenma bent his knees, on the verge of standing up, I expelled a deep sigh.

 _Then, all the throats of the ogres in the room tore apart._

A loud, ear rupturing scream echoed in my ears, but I paid it no mind as I threw my legs over the bed. I stood up, taking a moment to revel in the sight of the pink walls, now smeared in deep red, and the headless bodies lying dead on the ground. **Ah. This is a masterpiece. An art at its finest.** A low, dark chuckle escaped me, before I shifted my gaze to the Reikai prince sitting on his kneels, his eyes, wide and full of terror. Ayame and Hinageshi were cowering at the corner of the room. **Good. Fear me. This is my true self.**

Humming a tune, I formed a bright smile on my lips, sauntering calmly past my so-called "friend" Koenma, as if I hadn't just murdered numerous innocent people. I placed a fist on the doorknob, turning it and pulling the door open.

"No! Botan! Wait!" I heard Koenma call from behind my shoulder, and I halted in my movements. Whipping my head around to face him, I gave him a cold glare, my eyes menacing and smoldering as I glowered down at his quivering form. **Hmph. Pathetic.**

"Botan, please, this isn't you..." he continued to beg, his hazel orbs pleading as they stared into mine. I scoffed.

"Well then, my dear friend, it's obvious that you don't know the real me," I said, with a mocking smirk touching the edge of my lips. How dare he claims that I'm not being myself?

To me,, the important thing that makes up one's true self is their memories. Without memories, there are no mistakes, no actions, no lessons from the past that shapes someone into who they are meant to be. Koenma had erased my memories, any recollections of my past wiped away just like that and I was **pissed.** Whether he had a reason or not, he had no right in taking away what was rightfully mine. My ferry girl identity - if **that's** what he's referring as my true self - as far as I knew it, was nothing but a fraud. An illusion. **An im** **age Reikai had implanted in my brain.** And I was getting rid of that "image", I was becoming who I was supposed to be. And whoever tries to get in my way, **I'd kill them.**

 **One.**

 **By.**

 **One.**

"Don't," Koenma whispered, as if he could read through my plans. Well, not that they weren't true however.

"You can't stop me," I growled, "I'm leaving this hellhole."

Whether they like it or not.


End file.
